Easy and effective relationship building in your newsletter.

Or ... how to build a relationship with your mailing list.

There are lots of factors that help to build that mystical thing called a relationship: honesty, reliability, trustworthiness, charm, empathy, newsworthiness, ethics, outspokenness. But if you don't have them, you may find it hard to learn them. Without them your career as an online writer may be short lived.

Let's concentrate here on the key factors that I believe you can learn that will set your writing apart from 99% of the rest, and give you a head start in building relationships with your readers. These are the things you can put into action from today.

The first and foremost secret is to never think about your readers as a list. 'List' is way too anonymous. You can't ever build a relationship with a list - relationships are for people.

When I sit down to write Kickstart Today, I never write to a list. I write to Richard, who I met for the first time at a seminar and who sent me a Christmas card. I write to Pearson, who started out as a subscriber and soon became a close mate. I write to Margaret, who sends me lovely emails. I write to my daughter, who reads Kickstart at work.

There are hundreds of other people who have written to me over the years and told me what they like and dislike, what their problems are and what they need to know. So when I'm writing about a particular subject it is easy for me to imagine that I'm writing it for that one specific person.

Then, the funny thing is that I get emails from all kinds of other people saying 'how did you know that that was *exactly* what I wanted to hear?' Like astrological star signs there are only so many problems to go round. Write about one and you'll resonate with hundreds of people.

When you imagine yourself writing for one person, the rest of the crowd will eagerly listen in. But if you write to the crowd, you'll soon alienate the individual.

As far as writing ezines and newsletters are concerned, over and over again I see so-called experts writing hoary old advice:

1. People don't want to hear about you - write about them.

2. Sell something to your list every message to 'train' them to be more receptive.

Both are nonsense if building relationships that are what you want to do.

Ask yourself this question: when did you last establish a relationship with a text book? The much quoted ratio of one 'I' to every five 'you's' will lead you to a style of writing that may be informative, but is not personal. As well as the good information you have to provide, your readers want to know about you and your life - witness the rise in popularity of blogs.

Many years of writing over 800 editions of my newsletters has taught me that readers expect the core information - the things that your newsletter is supposed to be about - but thoroughly enjoy the real-life stories about family, health and visits to the movies. The stuff that relates to their own lives is what brings in the most response.

A well-written newsletter is a balance between fulfilling its task of educating and informing and entertaining. The very best are like soap operas that make you want to know what is happening next in the writers' life.

Subscribers may say that they want the important content and nothing but the important content, but my experience clearly shows that it is the day-to-day life stuff you write about that really connects.

The other advice - that you should attempt to sell something with every communication - needs a very special kind of writer to manage successfully.

Certainly there are newsletters that manage to promote multiple recommendations in every single issue - and a few 'interim' ones besides - but in the main they are from long established writers who have a lot of experience writing to very loyal readers. The vast majority of writers can't manage it without looking desperate, dishonest or lacking in ethics.

My own policy is to only recommend things that I've used and love, and to only recommend anything when I'm moved to. That means I often go weeks without recommending a single product, but when I do tell my readers about something, they appreciate the recommendation.

Frequency of publication is another factor to consider that can affect your relationship building with your readers.

A monthly ezine will have a harder job building a positive personal relationship than a weekly. And in my view, even a weekly is hard to build a close relationship with.

Once the writing bug gets to you and words begin to flow naturally, you may want to consider publishing at least twice a week. My own Kickstart Today started out life as a five times a week publication and the biggest complaints I ever got was when I reduced to 'just' three times a week!

When your readers complain that they haven't received an issue, you know that you've made a connection.

It goes without saying that over-use of other people's writing in your newsletter can damage your relationship building if you aren't careful.

Which brings me to content. Many people still think that a newsletter can be a mish-mash of guest articles. I'm sorry to have to tell you that that particular model stopped working well several years ago. Now, your readers want to hear what you think, what you have to say, what your experiences are. And to provide them with that you've got to sit down and learn to write.

Which brings us to another old chestnut: grammar. The grammar you use in your newsletter should have more in common with the conversations you have with your friends than with anything you ever learned at school.

The kind of writing that really builds relationships sounds natural when you read it out loud. Sentences start with and, words are contracted and the tone is informal.

Which brings us full circle. Write as you would talk to a close friend who is sitting in front of you. You don't hard sell your friends and you don't worry too much about perfect sentence construction. It is all about communicating a message - and my message to you is that relationship building is only effective when you do it one person at a time.

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